Bits of Silver

If you are a women, you are  probably most comfortable with a 'relational' style of negotiating.  A woman wants to be respected for her knowledge and wants everyone to come out feeling like they got the best deal.  A man typically  likes to get right to the point without alot of small talk. He doesn't want to be challenged directly.

Everyone can benefit  from the use of a collaborate mood as part of the negotiating process.Give and take on each side helps each person feel they have accomplished part of their original task to convince.  

Whether you are trying to get a new job, buy a car, or broker a business deal, listening to your opponent is a very important factor.  You may pick up new information that will let you know where they 'must' be or where they might be able to give you some points.

Sorry guys, but women have skills that lead them to be better in this area. They are more in tune with what is important to the other person, and are more prepared to be open and giving.  On the other hand, men are much better at asking for what they truly want and not backing away from that. They don't take no lightly.  If you realize these differences on the way in, it will help you attain what you truly want. 

Women, keep your own goals in the forefront.  Don't give without getting concessions.  Women tend to want to fix things and move into a 'let me help you' mode before they even realize it.  They are taught from a very young age to be a caregiver. Guard against this element while negotiating.

Men, don't come to the table with a set plan and no leeway.  It might be that giving on some areas has gains that will be long lasting and most beneficial in the long run.  Be open and don't judge until you have really listened to the reasons given.

Before attempting to negotiate- here are some basic rules:

1.  Do your research!  Find out all there is to know by reading and checking the internet.

2.  Charter your course. Write down your goals and objectives.

3. Be ready to walk away.  Make a mental "line in the sand" and let it be know you are leaving if it's crossed.

4. Always try to develop a relationship before you get to negotiations.

5. Leave your emotions at home; this is no time to whine or cry.

6. Be open to change and creative.

7.  Listen actively and ask open ended questions that will bring information your way.

We all negotiate each and every day. Whether its about who is going to vacuum the rug, where you are going on vacation next time, or whether you will get a raise this year.  Make sure your skills are top notch!